The Big Picture

Easter.

Christmas.

The two most attended church weekends.

There are plenty of scholars who dispute many of the "items" of the Christian faith and I saw a lawyer on Morning Joe this morning talking smack about Jesus.

Let them talk.

I don't care if Jesus was born in August or December.

I don't give up anything for Lent.

But I do have a faith in Jesus as my savior, and I live my life accordingly as a sinner, constantly forgiven, repentant, and amazed.

When I was 22, the woman who became my first wife challenged my thinking and I surrendered my life to Christ.

Three children and 13 years later, we divorced.

11 years ago I met my wife Kathy and now we have been married 121 months. (10 years plus a month if you're not good with math.)

All along, from the age of 22 I never lost my faith. But in my growing up years I attended Lutheran Churches in Fort Wayne, Indiana and never took hold of the faith and made it mine, personally.

What Kathy did, was reintroduce me to the Lutheran Church which took some dealing with due to my own past as a youth in that particular church environment.

But we found a local church that has a good school and a contemporary Saturday night service most weeks and is filled with people and pastors who are sincere about their faith and we have been there ever since.

This Easter weekend, no matter what you believe, be respectful of all, and if you want to know more about my beliefs, just ask. I promise not to clobber you with a Bible.

Living in Real Life too

Before you had a computer and a cellphone, (if you are that old!), you had an off-line life.

In order for you to spend time online, you had to reduce time you spent doing something else.

Do you know what that was, that you used to do, before you started spending time online?

Do you spend less time watching TV?

Do you spend less time talking with your spouse?

Do you spend less time exercising?

Do you even know what you used to do with the time you created to be online?

Please use your time online appropriately.

This means different things to each of us.

If relationships are being neglected, make changes.

If there are other projects that are being neglected, make changes.

One more point on this subject, and it's about giving.

These days, my kids are grown, getting married, making grandkids and doing the things I did 25 years ago.

My wife and I have more freedom with our time than we did years ago. Yes, we both work at least 5 days a week, but without kids we really enjoy being able to pick and choose what to do after hours.

One of the things I do is give of my time. Some of the organizations that I am involved with include the Fort Wayne Central Lions Club, The Anthony Wayne Area Council (Scouting), The Fort Wayne chapter of the American Advertising Federation, The Gus Macker Basketball tournament, The Three Rivers Festival, and a few other events and organizations as they come up.

We also attend a weekly worship service at our church and have launched a couple of businesses.

And just because our kids are in their 20's, doesn't mean we are not involved with them. Between last year and this year, we have 3 weddings, another college graduation, my stepson had a daughter, his third child; and my youngest and her husband are expecting their first child.

Everything that I'm aware of right now with our kids will be over by mid-August, but they will be replaced with new things.

I challenge you to keep a balance in your online and off-line lives, use the online world as a tool, not a replacement for life in the flesh.

Staying Connected

When I was growing up, as a child of the 60's and teen of the 70's, we had fewer options for communication and entertainment.

Fort Wayne had 3, then 4 TV stations. Today over 70% of our market subscribes to some form of cable or cable like service.

I still remember my home phone number, 483-3818 which my parents had for over 20 years, then for some reason changed it.

Every member of my family and step family have their own personal phone numbers now due to the cellphone revolution.

I usually don't text, it is a pain without a qwerty keyboard on my phone. And I don't have a smartphone yet, no need for one, because I use my laptop for my internet connections.

I am on Facebook and have a MySpace account and LinkedIn Profile, a few blogs, a couple of email accounts and use Twitter daily.

How do I keep track of all of these? Mostly through email. I have alerts sent to my email from all these other online sources. So why do I have these online sources? Because it is not about me, it is about how the people I want to stay in touch with, want to stay in touch.

A couple days ago, I got a message from a client via Facebook. I had an inquiry for services via Linked In. And it works.

Last week I met about 50 new people face to face who are on Twitter and when I added them to people I follow, most of them did the same. Which resulted in my taking the next step in organizing my Twitter activity with Twitter Lists.

Is all of this connectivity to much? Sometimes I wonder. Like this weekend at church. There was a young family sitting in the pew in front of us. The Dad had a Bluetooth earpiece stuck in his right ear, that kept flashing. Next to him, his 4 year old son and 8 year old daughter both had cellphones that they were looking at during the service. I watched the Mom, and she acted as if this was all normal.

What's normal these days depends on who you are I suppose, what about you?

Fitting Together & Passion

Last night my wife and I were driving from church to dinner with friends and I said to her, "Sometimes I forget that everyone doesn't go to church on Saturdays".

We started a few years ago because the church we belong to has a contemporary service at 5pm Saturdays, and now she works on Sundays so it all fits together.

Fitting together.

Last nights topic for the sermon was seek peace, not understanding. Once you seek peace, the understanding will come.

I got to thinking that I have been restless for a few years. And I know why. It's that the work that I do does not fit my entire passion. There are elements of what I do for a living that fit it, but there are also major parts of my passion that I don't get to use in my current occupation.

So, do I leave what I am currently getting paid to do to pursue my passion? Or do I do it simultaneously? How does it fit together?

Back to church for a second. Last fall, I took a class that was being offered by our church, Finding your Place in God's World. What I got out of it was to start taking action steps and God will shut doors if it's a door I shouldn't walk through. But like I used to tell one of my salesmen, you can't steer a parked car, so get moving.

This winter, we started a new class, on Discovering your Passion, a follow up to the fall class. Problem was that I know what my passion is, it was how to implement it that was keeping my stuck.

This class is being taught by one of our pastors and a counselor. (I featured his website this morning for the Fort Wayne Site of the Day). Last week after class, I told the counselor, Miles Nitz that I knew what my passion was, it was implementing it that had me stuck. He had a couple of ideas of who I should talk to, and I also talked with a couple other friends of mine who are self-employed to gain some of their advice.

In the meantime, Niles recommended me to someone to run a marketing survey and I am meeting with them next week.

Fitting together. It's different for everyone, just like everyone has their own passions.

My passion is to help businesses and organizations make smart marketing decisions. How it fits into my work life... time will tell, but the walk has begun as the steps are being taken.

Soul Searching?

There have been times in my life when I felt settled, other times when I have been restless. Right now, it's a combination of both. And I'll lay out more than I usually do publicly.

Restless. It comes from the work/career part of my life. 6 years ago this month I returned to the radio business full time as an advertising sales person. During the past 1/2 dozen years I have worked for between 4 and 6 "bosses", had my job title and position change just as many times and I've never "left the building". When I was hired, I was one of 6 that was hired that month and one of 12 on the sales staff. We grew to around 20 and then shrank to our current level of 4.

The radio stations themselves have changed too. When I started we had a News/Talk/Sports station, a Top 40 station, an Alternative Rock station, an Adult Contemporary station and a Classic Hits station. They evolved and changed and now we have a Classic Rock Station, Adult Standards Station and a Hip-Hop Top 40 style station.

But while I believe in the power of the medium of radio, and what it can do for local business owners that want to invite people to do business with them, I also have a restlessness going on.

About 5 1/2 years ago I bought my first laptop and grew with the power of the internet and became a bit of a local "go-to guy" when people wanted to learn how to connect both on line and off line. My interests in advertising were not limited to radio advertising.

As a matter of fact, my interests in marketing were not limited to advertising. I have seen myself grow and evolve into more of a "relationship based marketing expert". That involves using human relationship principles to create advertising, communication and marketing that works no matter what form of media is employed.

My employment with the radio station is stable but limiting in the scope of what can be done. So a few years ago I expanded into the online world of blogs and currently have 5 that are updated regularly. The most popular is Collective Wisdom, which gets between 60 and 150 visits a day. Altogether, I have at least 30 to 40 weekly blog updates, spread over the 5 sites.

I also have become active with Twitter as ScLoHo, of course, and have been involved with the first couple of local tweetups. I joined the Advertising Federation of Fort Wayne a few years ago and serve on the board of directors as the V-P of communications. I was interviewed last year for a television show on Social Media. I serve as a marketing advisor for a local non-profit and a local financial services firm.

And yet there is this restlessness because I would like to perhaps tie it all together more. Time will tell. I find myself at an interesting age where I can relate to both younger and older generations with ease. I recall what my life was like when I was the age of my kids and wish I could ask my parents about what life was like for them at the age I am now.

But it was their deaths that brought me to where I am living now. 11 years ago, my Dad died of cancer, and shortly after, I moved back to Fort Wayne and helped my Mom move to the next phase of her life which only lasted 3 1/2 years. It was weird to feel like an orphan at the age of 41. Getting married again to a fun woman who shares spiritual values with me and a great sense of humor has also helped me move to the settled state.

Settled. A sense of peace, contentment, the balance to my restlessness. I think I first felt it in 1982 when I became a Christian. I was raised in a Lutheran church but in that denomination there is an assumption of being a Christian that I disagree with. At least in my own life as I cannot judge others. My point of disagreement has to do with salvation occurring at baptism which is traditionally done to infants. I have seen both sides of the argument, and I just know that in my life, there was a transformation when I was 22 when I specifically asked for forgiveness for sins and surrendered myself to Christ and accepted His death on the cross as payment for sins.

These days I am back at a Lutheran church even though I have some disagreements with some of their doctrine. My wife and I attend on Saturday nights because we like the contemporary style of the service and the time works well with her work schedule and my life schedule. In the past year, the church has also become less "Lutheran" and more "Christian" with actual Bible studies and small groups, etc.

To sum it all up, my soul searching is grounded in the settledness of my Christian faith and the restlessness of wanting to implement my gifts and talents to help others in real life.

Exciting? Yes.
Frustrating? Sometimes.
Boring? Never.

Dressing Appropriately

I was checking my email this morning and this story from the Art of Manliness was in my inbox.

But first, my own experiences.

A few years ago, I was at an awards ceremony and was under dressed. Ever since then, I've asked if I was not sure what the dress code was and then usually step it up a notch. At last night's Addy Awards, I could have dressed down, but went the opposite direction. I enjoy wearing jeans and going tieless like a lot of the folks there, but.... The black suit, black shirt and tie combo created a better first impression.

And as you read the following article, think about the first impression you are going to make on someone and what that could mean down the road.

How far down the road?

Considering last fall I attended my 30 year high school class reunion, and over the past couple of years have met up with and done business with some of my old friends and classmates, a first impression should be a lasting impression, not a last impression.

Some of my fellow board members on the Advertising Federation have mentioned that a lot of the college graduates that are apply for jobs are not making good first impressions, so we are going to assemble a workshop to prepare them for the real world.

It makes a difference.

Dressing for Life’s Big Events: How a Man Should Dress for Weddings, First Dates, Religious Ceremonies and More

Posted: 26 Feb 2009 09:19 PM PST

A man’s life is full of moments that will require him to dress a certain way. From his high school graduation to walking his daughter down the aisle, a man needs to understand the basics of formal, semi-formal, and casual dressing so that he knows when to wear what and how. Because a gentleman understands his clothing is not just about him; his personal presentation is a reflection of the respect he shows to those around him.

By default, I am conservative in this article. My advice is the same that you would receive from your grandfather. But that’s its strength - this timeless wisdom is battle tested and proven. By following it you can rest assured you’ll be well dressed at any event anywhere.

Deciphering the Invitation

The first rule in dressing for an event is to read and understand the invitation. Many times the choice of what to wear has been made for you, and your options are limited to the colors and styles within the confines of a set garment type. But what exactly is “Black Tie,” and how should you dress for a business casual event?

(Note these terms are only for North America, as the English and Europeans have their own terminology and the same word does not always have the same meaning.)

Black Tie - sometimes referred to as evening dress, means that a tuxedo is expected. Weddings, operas, receptions at embassies, balls, and charity dinners are just a few places you’ll see this dress code.

Black Tie Optional - a tuxedo or dark suit are both equally acceptable. This dress code evolved as dress standards relaxed and more men found themselves without a tuxedo. Instead of excluding them from events, black tie optional was created to include all. If you have both a tuxedo and solid dark suit, wear the garment that fits and compliments you best. Do not rent a tuxedo if you own a perfectly fine suit, but instead consider purchasing a quality tuxedo if you expect to attend more than one of these events every couple years.

Semi-formal - a dark suit, crisp dress shirt with non-obtrusive pattern, and a conservative tie. No tuxedos are expected, and none should be worn.

Business Casual - a tie is optional, but a dress shirt & nice trousers are required. A sports jacket or blazer should also be worn (this last one is my opinion, but alas is actually optional).

Casual - Jeans, cotton trousers, & shorts are acceptable; they should fit well and be free of holes and wrinkles. A simple collared polo shirt that fits will suffice in warm weather, but in cooler weather the smart dresser will choose a button down shirt with a casual style, color, and/or pattern.

Not sure? Then ask.
If what you should wear is not spelled-out on the invitation, or if the invitation was simply relayed over the telephone or email, another method of determining what to wear is to ask your host directly. The only danger here is that the dress may change. Often the dress code at a less than organized event changes as the event draws nearer; make sure to double-check at least a couple of days before the event if you feel this may be the case.

If you can’t reach the host, try to talk with someone participating in the event. When a groomsman tells you he’s wearing a suit with tennis shoes, it’s safe to assume you’ll be perfectly fine in a dark sports jacket and trousers with dress shoes.

Be Prepared to Adapt
Not sure what to expect and have to be there in the next hour? Consider wearing clothing that can be dressed up or dressed down. If you show up over-dressed in your suit and tie, you can always excuse yourself for a minute and slip off your jacket, slide off your tie, and unbutton your top button before rejoining the celebration.

Dressing for Life’s Events

Weddings

A male wedding guest should seek to contribute to the happiness and love being celebrated. His attire should be smart and within the requested boundaries of the host, and if he chooses to be fashionable, it should be limited to his accessories. Remember that you are not there to attract attention to yourself but rather to help frame an important event in the history of two families.

As to what to wear, most wedding invitations clearly state what the dress code will be. Expect it to fall between black tie and business casual, although 95% of the time if you show up in a dark suit, white shirt, and muted tie with proper dress shoes you’ll be perfectly dressed. If the invitation does not cover what guests should wear, there are a number of clues you can pay attention to that will help you figure out the expected attire:

• First, take into account the location; an outdoor wedding in rural Wisconsin is going to be by its very nature less formal than a wedding at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City.
• Second, the time of day; day weddings are often less formal than evening ceremonies. In fact, the wearing of a tuxedo before 5PM is considered a faux pas by many traditionalists, although in the US this rule is often ignored.
• Third, examine the invitation itself. If it looks like they’ve spent a fortune on the invites, you might want to spend a little time dressing the part of a considerate guest.

A low key wedding in which the couple specifically asks for guests to dress casual should be heeded, but with caution. One person’s definition of casual is not another’s, and the prepared man carries in his car or travel kit an upscale casual outfit in case he arrives underdressed.

Graduations

Many graduates think the event surrounding the culmination of their education is about them. I know I did. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realize a graduation is really a family celebration, a time to reflect on the sacrifices made by others so that one can achieve a common goal. With this in mind, you should dress smartly not for yourself but in respect to those who went without so you wouldn’t have to.

Even when wearing a ceremonial robe, you’ll want to dress smartly as your shoes, socks, and trouser legs will be seen. Consider timeless oxfords as footwear, but any dress shoe that is made from quality leather and properly shined will do. For most, a simple suit & tie or sports jacket, dark trousers, and tie is perfect. Leave the jacket off when robed, but have it handy to wear to the reception and multiple picture taking sessions.

If a guest of the graduate, take the ceremony’s location into consideration. A ceremony at Columbia University in New York can be attended in a suit; a graduation at Oceanside High School in California will more likely call for a sports jacket and light-wool trousers.

First Date

There are a lot of things you can’t control on the first date; whether or not she’ll like the restaurant, what she’ll think of your opinions, and if she laughs at any of your jokes. But one thing you can control is your appearance, and it’s to your advantage to make the most out of what you have.

On a first date, always try to stack the cards in your favor. You want to look your best, and unless you have the body of Adonis “your best look” is a comfortable well fitting suit or sports jacket. If built right, it will accentuate your shoulders, trim your waist, and give you the appearance of added height. To match the jacket, wear a pair of dark wool trousers. Roomier than jeans, they’ll also hide small stains better whether you spill food or forget to shake. And always pay close attention to your shoes’ shine and style; you can bet your date will. Lastly, make sure to subtly let her know what you’ll be wearing well before the appointed time. She may be under the impression the date is a more casual situation, and may be uncomfortable if her outfit doesn’t match your clothing’s level of formality.

First Week on the Job

You never get a second chance to make a first impression, and during your first week at a new job you’ll be making a lot of first impressions. So it’s important that you pay very close attention to the unstated dress code and carefully adapt your clothing to it. Now don’t give up your individuality, but be sensitive to what others are wearing and the reactions your clothing will draw. Because even though the interview is over, the game of office politics and perception has just begun.

My advice is start off slightly over-dressed your first week. This may not be possible at a law firm where everyone is wearing a suit and tie, but in a business casual environment you may want to opt for a sports jacket, shirt, and tie vs. a shirt and tie only. When shaking hands for the first time you want to project a professional image, as most of our sensory input is visual, and numerous communication studies have demonstrated appearances far outweigh what we actually say in a first encounter. With people making a decision about you in the first few seconds, it’s easier to start at the top than to start low and try to work yourself up.

Receptions and Parties

There are get-togethers, there are cocktail parties, and then there are receptions. In that order do we generally see these congregations increase in their level of formality; however, it’s not uncommon to attend a casual reception or a more formal get-together. Again, like most things, its situation dependent.

Get-togethers are typically more relaxed and comfortable social events, often loosely planned where most of the attendants know each other already or share a common bond. The dress code here ranges from casual to business casual. Cocktail parties on the other hand are planned events where many of the guests do not know each other; hence we have a higher level of formality as people feel each other out. Judgments are passed, business deals started, and business cards are liberally distributed here. Expect the dress code to be business casual to black tie optional. Finally, we have receptions. Although they can be very informal events, many times they are not, as the event’s purpose is to “receive” a new couple, a new company president, or a new child. For this, we show respect by elevating our appearance. Expect semiformal to black tie optional.

Religious Services

Whether you are attending as a believer or as a guest, a man who visits a place of worship or religious importance should always show respect, if not for himself, then for others and their beliefs. He does this by following the unstated dress code and never dressing below it. Because no church is the same, and no temple has the exact requirements as another, this varies not only from religion to religion but also from country to country. A safe guide is to always wear clothing that covers the body, is respectful in nature, and that is culturally acceptable. Think business casual to semi-formal wear.

Funerals

A man’s purpose when attending a funeral is to comfort the bereaved; by attending and dressing appropriately he shows his support and pays his respects to the deceased and their family. Funeral invitations are rare, but the prescribed outfit is universal across the English speaking world; a dark suit, a simple shirt, a somber tie, and polished shoes.

Your suit does not have to be black; a navy pinstripe will work if that’s what you have. As for the dress shirt, white is the most formal color, but other non-attention drawing shades are fine. When putting together what to wear remember your appearance should allow you to arrive without show, to grieve without drawing attention, and say your final goodbye with respect.

Conclusion

We’ve all heard it’s better to be over-dressed than under-dressed; my advice though is to simply dress perfectly for the occasion. It’s not that hard if you pay attention, do your homework, and prepare accordingly.

Written by
Antonio Centeno
President, www.ATailoredSuit.com
Quality Custom Clothing & Sound Style Advice
Join our Facebook Page for a chance to Win Custom Clothing

Churches, Iceland and Pictures

See these two church buildings? Go ahead and look. The other day I found this webpage and what caught my attention was the first picture featuring a church in Iceland where my son is for another 3 weeks.

If you like pictures, then go over here to my picture blog.

Immortality

This is prompted by 3 events in the past few hours.

1. Saturday evening our church has a contemporary service that Kathy and I attend.
2. Saturday night Kathy and I talked about what life was like 10 years ago for each of us.
3. This morning, while hanging out at the Firefly Coffee House, I spoke with my friend Pete and he mentioned how in 20 years after his death, will anyone remember him?
   

At church, we discussed how our life on earth is a small segment of our life, as Christians we will live forever, etc.

The discussion about 10 years ago, was eye opening because my father was dying, my kids were in middle school and it was incredible to look back and see what has occurred in that short span of time between 1998 and 2008 in my own life. Also, I am now at the age that my Dad was when I left home and my parents became emptynesters for the next 20 years.

Then this morning as Pete and I were talking it struck me how few people are remembered after they are gone from this life on earth. I have books by people that are no longer alive. There are buildings with the names of people long gone. But what about the common man? Will you and I be remembered 10 years after we are gone? Or by our grandchildren?

First, there are people that you most likely have had an influence on already in life. Last year when our church did a small group study for 6 weeks, we wrapped it up with a dinner dance and there was a couple that came up to us to thank us for something we had done about 2 years before. That something was we had volunteered our home for a small group study, and this was the first time this couple had been to something like this and it changed their lives.

I look back on people in my life that have had an effect on who I am today, and that is one way, these people have achieved "Immortality".

There is another tool that I pointed out to Pete this morning and it is free and easy to use. You are reading it right now. In this internet age, anyone with access to the internet can create a permanent log of their life, or of anything they want to write about. On my Collective Wisdom site, I have a map that shows me where in the world people are that have visited my site. 400 visits in 3 weeks. I have no idea if there was something I posted there that will change someones life.

8 years ago, I gave my Mom a tape recorder and asked her to start recording her life story. She never did, and the family she left behind is poorer for it. Perhaps you can leave something for your friends, family and generations to come by using this simple tool and leave behind a legacy, a history, an insight, a perspective that is uniquely yours, that will live forever. Don't wait until it's too late.

Here's a few pictures of my parents and their grandchildren:

Sunday Morning Jump Start

As I've mentioned before, Kathy & I attend church on Saturday evenings, and so Sunday, she goes off to work, and I head over to the Firefly (where my picture is still on their web page) and the Sunday morning crowd gathers for a cornucopia of conversation.

Actually it's more like a leftover stew, where you toss things in the crock pot that you pull out of the frig and just let it cook and simmer all day. Conversation will wander into the past and peek into the future and the topics could cover almost anything.

The last two Sunday's I never made it here until 11am and it was to grab a quick cup of joe to go.
Today, I arrived at 8:15 to drink in the experience.

I'll be following up on emails, blogging here and my other blogs and doing prep work for the week ahead and who knows what else.

Living the Fort Wayne lifestyle

Just a recap and look forward to what you can do here in Fort Wayne.

Friday night my wife and I visited Triangle Park, one of our restaurant hang outs where they make you feel very welcome. We also ran into Dr Vic Fitch and his wife who were dining with friends. I first met Vic through the Fort Wayne Central Lions Club, where we are both members.

They just returned from a trip to Honduras with other Lions, where they had spent several days helping the poor with medical care and dispensing eye glasses and doing vision screenings. This is an example of some of the caring people we have in our community that give their time.


Saturday, Kathy and I traveled to Waynedale to visit Hill's Market on Lower Huntington Road to pick up some steaks that I'll be cooking tonight. We both work in Waynedale, and she noticed the sale price Friday and we decided to pick some up for the weekend. A stop in the Waynedale Bakery and Dragons Keep Cafe Coffee Shop completed our trip to that corner of Fort Wayne. We also grabbed breakfast at the Hall's on Bluffton Road, where again, they did a fine job. If you haven't been to a Hall's, you need to.

Our church has a Saturday contemporary service that we usually go to around 5pm. It was packed, and yesterday we had a husband/wife duo as special musical artists.


At 6:30 we caught up with friends and saw the movie, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly at the Cinema Center, followed by a late dinner at Henry's.


On Friday and Saturday night at Henry's, there's a guy that sells ala carte seafood appetizers such as jumbo shrimp, and scallops for a buck apiece. I usually get a few of each. Bob mentioned that Henry's has more than "bar food" which is so true. Henry's is one of those spots in town that I was unaware of until I married Kathy. Steaks, sea food, pasta, and ask if they have any of "Grandma's Chocolate Cake".


Today, Kathy's off to work, and I'm off to visit The Firefly Coffee Shop where I often hang on Sunday mornings for coffee, a bagel and great conversation with a unique collection of people who have become friends. (Kathy and I were at the Firefly Friday night too, splitting a piece of 6 layer chocolate cake).

One final note about living in Fort Wayne. Next month is Kathy's birthday and our Anniversary. We will take some time for a get away and we are close to so many places including Ohio, Chicago, Indianapolis and some lesser known locations within a few hours drive. Just another Plus about living in my home town.

Speaking of speaking...

Wednesday night, I surprised my wife.

We were at a special church meeting where the members were going to be presented with plans for a building project and then vote to approve the project.

I am tolerant of meetings as long as there is a reason for them. This was a good reason. A few million reasons if you get my drift.

Near the end, before the final vote, we were given the opportunity to step up to the microphone and ask a question or two. My wife had a question, and I had a question and I quietly slipped out of the pew to step up the microphone and asked my couple of questions.

Kathy was surprised because she thought I got up to go to the restroom!

I formulated my questions in such a way that they were straight forward, and when I did not get all the information to one of the questions, I asked for clarification. I did this in a tone of voice and in a manner through my choice of words that was respectful and the answers I got were respectful in return.

I urge everyone to get some insight, perhaps training, on public speaking so that you too can surprise your spouse, or at least be a better communicator.

Harvey Mackay wrote about this recently. Here are his words:

Harvey Mackay's Column This Week

Talking points get to the point

One of my favorite "Peanuts" comic strips is about students who were asked to write about their feelings on returning to school in the fall.

In her essay, Lucy wrote, "Vacations are nice, but it's good to get back to school. There is nothing more satisfying or challenging than education, and I look forward to a year of expanding knowledge."

Needless to say, the teacher was delighted and complimented Lucy on her fine essay. Leaning over to Charlie Brown, Lucy whispers, "After a while, you learn what sells."

Lucy had mastered the art of talking points.

New York Times columnist William Safire says he first heard the phrase as a White House speechwriter, ducking dreary assignments for "Rose Garden rubbish." Safire says President Nixon would often say to his writers, "Never mind preparing formal remarks for this bunch, just give me a page of talking points."

This is a perfectly reasonable request from someone who wishes to speak informally, and not use a prepared text. I'm a big believer in using talking points in many ways: for whatever you're trying to sell or promote or whenever you want to deliver a message.

We live in a soundbite world—you may have only 10 or so seconds to make your case. The objective is to get the idea out there, and fill in the details later. Let the central thought sink in first. Then, as time permits, support it. Studies show that people remember better when you give them information in a short and concise manner.

If you're looking for a job, you should have a 60-second commercial about yourself. If you're selling something, you want to give the buyer the best commercial you can create. If you're raising money for your favorite charity, donors appreciate information presented in a succinct and uncomplicated fashion. The point is to get to the point!

Don't confuse talking points with a fact sheet because talking points don't necessarily have to present the whole story. Talking points should include an item or two with some zip to them—perhaps a really great statistic, a relevant witty proverb or a humorous quotation. And while I write in "USA Today style"—short and snappy—I can take a little more time to reach my destination. The listening public is not as forgiving as the reading public.

Bill O'Reilly opens his popular Fox TV show, "The O'Reilly Factor," with a segment called "Talking Points Memo." It wouldn't be at the beginning of the program if it didn't work!

Consider the political stump speech. Same message, over and over. Same main points, short and sweet, amended to fit the geographic region or particular audience. The talking points remain constant: This is what I stand for. This is why you should vote for me. This is what's wrong with my opponent.

I speak to dozens of companies and organizations around the globe every year. I tell every group a few of the same things: Prepare to win. Deliver more than you promise. Knowledge does not become power until it is used. My audiences may remember my jokes, or some of the personal stories I throw in, or maybe even that I give away my tie sometimes. But I know they will remember my talking points. That's the real take-home value.

On the other side, job applicants who come into my office and can tell me what I need to know about them in the first three minutes fascinate me. Experience, education, knowledge about my company, common ground—these are the things employers want to hear right out of the gate. Make it interesting, and make sure it's accurate. When I'm interviewing for sales or customer service positions, I'm looking for candidates who can get to the point, and let me decide whether I need more details. Good talking points can mean the difference between a second interview and a good-luck handshake.

It's worth the extra time to really edit yourself and hone your presentation. A few descriptive words will trump a lengthy monologue every time. Identify your central message and put it front and center.

Perhaps the ultimate example is an irreverent cartoon by Mike Peters. It shows a giant hand reaching through the clouds to extend the tablets containing the Ten Commandments to the outstretched hands of Moses, with the voice of God saying, "Here, these are your talking points."

Mackay's Moral: As Groucho Marx said, "Before I speak, I have something important to say."

Family Friends and Frenzy

FAMILY:
It was good to see Josh and Mad Sunday. They have been in Maine going to school since August. Stories will abound in the days and weeks ahead before classes resume in January. Rach came over, and we saw Abby briefly over the weekend without having to leave our home! In a couple of days we will have a houseful.




FRIENDS:
Saturday night we went to a private party hosted by our church that included dinner and dancing (drinking too)! I had previously wondered how Lutherans were supposed to party and now I know. There must have been 40 people on the dance floor doing the electric slide including a brother and sister that were at our table that were in their 80's.


FRENZY:
This past Saturday Kathy, Mike and I did the leaf collection one more time. I'm ready to invent artificial regular trees (not just Christmas trees) that retain their leaves and have electronic technology so we can change the colors without ever having to rake.





The other frenzy I was thinking about was the Christmas shopping frenzy. I recoeved in my email today a list of where folks are planning on shopping this Friday. If you want to avoid the crowds, use the following as a guide:

Planned Shopping Locations (% of all respondents)

Location

% Planning to Shop

Wal-Mart

63%

Target

57

Best Buy

43

K-Mart

28

Sears

23

Circuit City

21

Kohl's

27

Macy's

25

Victoria's Secret

17

Source: MaritzResearch, November 2007