This year I did something I never did before. I attend 2 college football games. But nothing like this:
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Dress for Success
Another post from the Art of Manliness:
Your Personal Appearance: The Importance of Being a Sharp Dressed Man
Posted: 30 Oct 2008 08:59 PM CDT
Editor’s Note: This post is from our new Art of Manliness style contributor Antonio Centeno. Antonio is president of A Tailored Suit, maker of quality custom clothing. Please give Antonio a warm Art of Manliness welcome.
Thanks to Cathe Holden for the image.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society ~Mark Twain
Perhaps you’ve heard the following:
“The days of wearing a suit are gone.”
“Casual Friday? It’s casual week around here. No one cares how you dress.”
“Appearances are irrelevant, only results matter.”
All of these statements ignore the fact that people have and will continue to judge you by your appearance. The harsh reality is that we make decisions about people within the first 3 seconds of meeting them; we then spend the next 90 seconds trying to confirm our first impressions. This means that before you even open your mouth you’ve been sized up and profiled. Knowing this, a person should always dress neatly, professionally, and appropriately. The fact is you never know who you are going to meet; at anytime you may run into a potential client, a future employer, or for those singles out there, the love of your life. And like it or not, they are going to form their initial impression of you based off of how you look.
Over the next few months I’m going to be writing quite a few articles on men’s style and grooming. But before getting started, I wanted to make the case for why you should care about your personal appearance. We live in a society that overall tends to dress down; our national uniform is a pair of jeans and t-shirt. If you care about your appearance and take action to improve it, you will stand out from the crowd. But that’s not a bad thing.
How Your Personal Appearance Affects You
The transformation effect
One of the powers of clothing is that it can transform an individual’s state of mind. Dress like a professional businessman and you’re more likely to act like a professional businessman. Taking a test soon? Students report that they perform better when they dress-up for an exam. Feeling sick in the morning? Women have used the power of dressing-up to shrug off sickness for years. The transformative effect is powerful and instantly effective; what’s most amazing is that so few people use it.
Dressing professionally improves self discipline
From the Roman Legion to the United States Marine Corps, the world’s finest militaries have known that sharp dressed soldiers are more disciplined than ragtag militias. Military dress inspections have persisted not because shiny boots win wars, but because the exercise teaches a military force to pay attention to the details. And it’s in the details that battles are won.
In the same way, a person who dresses professionally learns the value of self discipline. They learn that planning and allotting enough time are paramount for consistent results. They prepare for the day by thinking through it, anticipating their needs, and taking the proper steps to ensure they can meet the challenge. A disciplined dresser can arrange his outfit to meet his needs from 8AM to midnight, from office to presentation to drinks after work.
Appreciation and respect
Properly clothing yourself takes time; shirts need to be ironed, shoes shined, and jackets brushed. Perhaps the greatest lesson this teaches is to respect the effort put forth by our fellow human beings. When you meet another well dressed man you give him an extra measure of respect because of his outfit; you notice the perfect dimple in his tie and appreciate it because it took you 15 minutes and 5 attempts to perfect your own. Mutual respect between gentleman is garnered when they recognize the efforts each has put forth.
How Your Appearance Affects Others
The power of visuals
Numerous communication studies have demonstrated the power of visuals in human interaction. Some studies have shown that visual cues are 3X to 5X as powerful as audio cues. With clothing covering 90% of your body, it can’t be stressed enough as to how important a role it plays in how you are perceived by others. Want faster & better service in a restaurant? Look like you have money and wear a navy blazer. Want to increase your chances for an A on a college presentation? Wear a sports jacket and pair of slacks. Want instant credibility in a business environment? Wear a suit when making the pitch or meeting with management.
First impressions
Made within a few seconds, first impressions are powerful and should not be taken lightly. We often observe a person before we speak with them, and being human we look to make sense of what our eyes are showing us. Using our personal experiences, we categorize individuals; we pick-up on a key feature that has meaning to us and then associate that person with it. If what you are wearing is doing all the talking for you, make sure it is sending the message you want.
The power of colors and patterns
Colors and patterns are very powerful; certain ones grab our attention, some accentuate our natural tones, and others affect our emotions. When choosing colors and patterns a man should first understand which ones work for him and which ones do not. Next, he needs to determine what message he wants to send. A man decked out in a pin-striped navy blue suit, blue shirt with white contrasting collar and cuffs, and a red tie screams power and authority. A man wearing a solid brown suit with an earth tone shirt and light colored tie signals trust and openness. Both men were wearing suits, but two very different messages were being conveyed.
Influence and authority
Image from Silver Feast
Former San Francisco 49er Coach Mike Nolan fought to wear a business suit on the sidelines during football games. One of the reasons for this was that he wanted to make it easy to spot the man in charge. The men’s suit, whose heritage stems from military garb, was designed to highlight a man’s strengths. When cut properly and made with a fabric that compliments the wearer, it signals authority and commands attention. But this is only the tip of the iceberg – a policeman’s uniform, an airline pilot’s clothing, a doctor’s white jacket – all of these garments assure us that the person we are dealing with is an authority in their field.
Positive assumptions
Well dressed people are given a leg up in many respects – they are often perceived as being smarter, funnier, and more enjoyable to be around. Taking this a step further, dressing professionally can help you appear more important to the success of your company and may even help you hold onto your job. Assuming all other factors being even, who does management let go – the technician who dresses well and can be put in front of a client or the guy who doesn’t own a suit. In this current economic downturn, every small detail matters.
Is It Manly to Care About Your Appearance?
A few examples of manly men who cared and continue to care about their appearance:
Dwayne Wade – Does an excellent wearing suits cut to compliment his height; he also is very good at coordinating his pocket squares with his ties
Winston Churchill - He loved the “puff” pocket square and knew how to wear a polka dot bow tie.
Image from Archie
Sean Combs – P. Diddy has modernized classic style for a whole generation of young men. He wears a 3-piece suit masterfully, and pays homage to the great dressers before him. His clothes add to his commanding presence and charismatic personality.
Ronald Reagan - Always dressed smartly in clean cut power suits that accentuated his shoulders; he also loved cuff links.
Final Note
You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but in our fast paced society a book’s cover can be just as important as its content. Of course appearances are not everything; you have to perform well to succeed. But in a competitive world it pays to understand the importance of your clothing and grooming. Investing the proper resources into your personal presentation will multiply your ability to succeed.
Written by
Antonio Centeno
President, www.ATailoredSuit.com
Quality Custom Clothing & Sound Style Advice
Friendship
How many friends do you have?
What kind of friends are they?
Take a look at this from the Art of Manliness Blog:
The Art of Manliness Free Man Cookbook
Download Your Free Guide to Being a Gentleman in 2008.
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What kind of friends are they?
Take a look at this from the Art of Manliness Blog:
Making and Keeping Man Friendships
Posted: 28 Oct 2008 11:53 PM CDT
Image from varones
Several weeks ago we posted an article about the history and nature of man friendships. Several readers added comments in which they lamented the difficulty in both making and keeping man friendships, a sentiment I fully sympathize with. Once you’re out of college, and especially if you get married and move, it becomes rather hard to make new friends and maintain the bond with your old pals. I struggle with this problem myself, and so while I won’t claim to be an expert with all the answers, I have spent some time talking with other men and brainstorming ideas for how men can make and keep solid man friendships.
How to Find Some New Bros
Join an organization. Part of the difficulty today’s men face with making new friends is the isolated nature of their social lives. There’s work and home, and not much else. Joining an organization is quite possibly the best way to create a new social circle for yourself.
Some men say that they’d like to join an organization but that they simply do not have the time for it the way their grandfather or father did. But the problem is not a lack of time, but how that time is being utilized. We don’t work that many more hours than our dads did, so there must be other reasons we feel so harried in our daily lives. Take an inventory of what you’re really spending your time on. You might say that you’re spending that time with your family, but how many of those “quality time” hours consist of you simply watching TV or surfing the net? Are you running around to an insane number of your kids’ activities? Everyone wants their kids to be able to follow their interests, but dad needs to have interests too. Does Johnny really need play football, baseball, and soccer? By organizing your schedule more efficiently and cutting down on extraneous time-suckers, every man can have time to be part of an organization. Plus, having healthy man friendships and interests outside your family will make you a saner, more well-rounded man, and thus a better husband and father.
Ideas of Organizations to Join
Image from Mig_R
Fraternal Organizations. They’re not just for your grandpa. They can bring great fulfillment and satisfying man friendships into your life. Fraternal organizations are the perfect conduit for friendship-making because they provide all the ingredients needed for brotherly bonding: common ideals, a sense of tradition and responsibility, and a focus on service. There are several great fraternal organizations out there to look into, but it’s hard to argue with the Masons being the best place to start.
Churches/Religious Organizations. Like fraternal orders, churches are a fruitful place to make man friendships as they are a place where you can find gents with the same values and goals as you. Many churches have groups that are for men only and are designed for both fellowship and spiritual growth.
Sports Leagues. If you love sports, instead of spending your weekend alone watching them on TV, join an intramural league and get back on the field. From flag football to ultimate frisbee, your town is sure to have clubs that meet for some good old fashioned man competition. Joining up will whip you into shape, feed your man spirit, and give you the kind of bond with other men that can only be found on the playing field.
Toastmasters. Toastmasters solves two fundamental problems in the life of modern man: a lack of friends and a deficiency in the art of public speaking. Not only will you learn to be a better orator, you’ll also meet lots of other men to befriend.
Image from varones
Book Clubs. For some reason (read: Oprah), book clubs have become associated with women, bearing one’s soul, and Kleenex. But there’s nothing sissy about books; discussing great literature was a pastime of many of the great men in history. Benjamin Franklin, for example, started a group called the Junto in which men vigorously discussed books. Talking about the ideas and themes of great books will quickly let you get to know the thoughts and philosophies of other guys. Many libraries offer male-only book clubs that read books men like. If you library doesn’t, why not start one at your house?
Other Ways to Make New Friends
Work. You spend more time with people at work than you do at home. And there are probably some dudes at work that you get along with swimmingly. Instead of keeping them in the “work” friend category, convert them into “friend” friends. Go for some drinks after work. Invite them over to your house to watch the game on Saturday. If you’re married, go out for dinner with him and his spouse. The same thing applies if you’re in school. Don’t be afraid to make a “school” friend, one of your bros.
Meet your neighbors. In today’s society, most people keep to themselves. You can live in a neighborhood for 10 years and not know who your neighbors are. It’s pretty sad. But your future best bud might be living right next door to you. So don’t be a stranger. Get out and meet your neighbors. A great way to meet your neighbors is by hosting a party or attending neighborhood events like block parties. If you’re feeling particularly brave, just go up and introduce yourself.
Television is full of neighbors who turned out to be best buds. Kramer and Seinfeld. Tim Taylor and Wilson. Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. Growing up, my dad had several friends in our neighborhood. They’d go jogging together and help each other build fences or remodel their homes.
Maintaining Your Friendships
Image from Bcash67
Once you have made friends, whether they are recent acquaintances or buds from first grade, you have to put in some work to keep the bonds alive. In the 19th century, men built their friendships around intense emotional bonds. These days guys like to center their friendships on activities. Here are some activity ideas to keep you in touch with your bros.
Set a common goal. Men experience the greatest bond when they are working together towards a common purpose, when they become a band of brothers. The same is true whether you’re storming Omaha Beach or simply living the suburban life. So set a goal to attain with your friend or a group of friends. Decide to run a marathon or compete in a triathlon, quit smoking, or lose weight. You and your friend can help keep one another honest; make sure to set up a system to ensure accountability. For example, if you’re training for a race, make it a rule that you must email each other your run times every day. Whether you live in the same town or across the country, establishing a mutual goal will force you to stay in touch and have regular contact, while at the same time helping one another become better and stronger men.
Create a competition. Competition in life can drive people apart; a friendly competition among men can bring them together. Create a competition with your friends and set a friendly wager; something a bit embarrassing for the loser is always fun and will keep the group motivated. This can be something trivial like a beard growing contest or something serious like abstaining from porn or drinking. The competition will ensure you regularly check in on each other and have something to talk about (even if it’s trash talking).
Take a Mancation. You may sometimes need to get outside your normal life and take time to focus on reconnecting with your manliness and your man friends. Mancations are occasions for pure, uninterrupted male bonding. Mancations can be as short as a weekend or as long as a week. The destination can be anywhere, but it should involve manly activities. The best mancation is of course camping. The great outdoors and a roaring campfire is the ideal setting for renewing man friendships. The key to the mancation is to make them an immutable tradition. Set a time and make it an annual happening. You can plan the other things in your life around that non-negotiable date.
Guys night out. The concept of a “guys night out” has become something of a cliché, often portrayed in movies and television shows and frequently accompanied by unhappy wives angry at their existence. And it is true, some guys abuse the “guys night out.” They make time for their buds when they haven’t spent quality time with the Mrs. Or they go gallivanting around, leaving important jobs around the house undone. Your wife and her needs should always come first. If you haven’t spent time with her, then you shouldn’t be out partying with the boys. At the same time, if you and she have spent ample time together, then guys night out is quite appropriate. Encourage her to have a girls night out as well. Each of you having healthy friendships will improve the quality of your marriage.
Poker night is always a good standby for a guys’ night out. I’ve had some great times with cards in hand, shooting the breeze with my buds. Attending a sporting event or concert is another great guys night out.
Keeping in Touch with Your Buds
Any relationship, including the man friendship, needs communication to survive. Most guys aren’t big on having heart to hearts. Spending regular time together, even without much talking can be enough. But if you move to different locales, you’ll have to make some kind of effort to stay in touch. Guys generally don’t enjoy talking on the phone, and we usually aren’t big email writers either. But there is a long-standing, centuries old man tradition that has kept man friends connected over whole lifetimes: letter writing.
History is full of great men who maintained their friendships through written letters. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were the best of friends despite differing political affiliations. However, in the election of 1800 they were political opponents. Jefferson beat Adams in the election, and the men’s friendship hit the rocks. They didn’t patch things up until 1812. After they got back on good terms they started a correspondence that lasted 14 years and 158 letters. The bond they developed through this exchange of letters was so strong that Adams, unaware that his dear friend had passed away only hours earlier, made “Jefferson lives,” his dying words.
Snail mail may have fallen out of favor with most of society, but I think it’s key in maintaining healthy man friendships. Sure email is easy, but it’s also easily ignored. We let it sit there and in a few days it has disappeared to another page and out of our brains. Letter-writing is something altogether different: something real, something tangible leaves your hands and physically plants itself in the life of your friend. There it is, a part of you, sitting on their kitchen counter. People can’t throw stuff like that away. It may get buried, but it will keep popping up and will stay on your friend’s brain, burrowing there until they respond. A letter practically requires an answer. So I strongly urge men to start writing letters to their friends. Commit to writing your friend once a month; it will keep alive your bond no matter where life takes the both of you.
Got any other suggestions on making new friends and maintaning current friendships? Share ‘em with us. Drop a line in the comment box.
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