Behind The Superstar

from Chris Brogan:

Giving up is easy. Anyone can do that. People do it all the time. I do it. All of us do. We surrender. We throw out the next possible opportunity sometimes, simply because we fell down in some way or another, or because someone else finally wore us down with their repeated message that we couldn’t succeed. Surrender is practically a national sport, it seems.

Persistence, however, is a trick worth nurturing. If you can keep at something, if you can find and rekindle that little spark of faith that you’ll figure it out, then you can rebuild again and again. Persistence is the act of building continuity. It’s the deliberate action of doing something, doing it again, doing it again, until you get it right, and maybe doing it over and over after that, too.

At the Grammys, there was a medley of performances from Rihanna, Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Skylar Grey. Three of the four (sorry, I don’t know anything about Skylar) had something in their stories about persistence. Rihanna kept her career going, after having to deal with an abusive boyfriend. Eminem came back from a serious drug habit. Dre had to battle his own inner demons after having spent 10 years away from recording studio albums. In each case, they persisted, even though things went wrong, and even when life didn’t throw a perfect hand.

Persistence is a powerful state to consider. If you can find the discipline to persist, then you’ve got a power that many seem unable to master. That said, here are three (or maybe four) masters of persistence:

Thanks to @RunnerBliss for finding me this version of the songs on YouTube.

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

Media Monday continues as we move up the FM Dial. A former co-worker of mine from the early 1980's is on the air every afternoon. Click on Pic.

Freedom

I know people who are stuck.

Not because anyone is keeping them stuck, but they are keeping themselves stuck.

DLM Blog had a few ideas:

The Little Guide to Getting Unstuck

Posted: 21 Feb 2011 08:16 AM PST

As I look out the window, I see white snow-covered roads and buildings and I wonder if I will ever feel better. This feeling of stuckness comes and goes. I feel trapped. It feels like I’m in a jail-cell without bars. I am itching to get out, but there’s no door, and I have no idea where to even begin.

During the short span of my adult life, I’ve made money, traveled, and done things that I thought would make me happy. Now, I’m not saying that they are useless, I’m just hinting at the fact that the answer seems to come from the inside instead of the outside.

Perhaps it isn’t all about the money, big house, white fence, two kids, travels, and the things that society tells us are important goals to go after.

Awareness
As the years have gone by, I’ve become more and more aware of what is going on inside of me when I feel stuck. What I have a tendency to do – and you probably do, too – is push the feeling away, because it feels uncomfortable.

Stuckness can manifest itself anywhere, and when left unchecked, it tends to spread into other areas of your life. For example, stuckness in a relationship can easily spread to work and life in general. Everything affects everything, even when we don’t want it to, especially when we don’t want it to.

Acceptance
Something interesting happens when you become aware of your current feelings. Happiness, excitement, and joy are always easier to observe than anxiety, fear, and stuckness, but then again, you learn more from the latter group.

But before we proceed, we have to ask ourselves: what is acceptance? What does it mean? You hear people throw it around like it’s the next big thing since sliced bread, but do most even know what they mean when they use it?

To me, acceptance means being with whatever is. It means living in reality without any illusions. To you it might mean something completely different. It's up to you to define.

When you’re stuck, you can accept the fact that you’re stuck, and be with your stuckness. Begin feeling where the stuckness is in your body. For me it’s usually in the chest area. When I close my eyes, start breathing, and start feeling, I get curious about what’s really going on and how stuckness feels. I look at it as an experiment, a game. I am the observer and I am here to learn. I don’t try to push it away or do anything other than be curious about what is going on, like a child explores its surroundings, I want to explore my inner workings.

Transformation
When I get curious, instead of resisting and pushing away, everything changes. It’s hard to start the process, because it feels scary to look into a feeling that feels negative, but once I start breathing and get curious, it all just melts away.

Now, this doesn’t mean that the stuckness will magically melt away, but it will help you see it for what it is. Just changing your perspective from resistance to curiosity will make a big difference. And it doesn’t have to take a long time either. You can do this anytime, anywhere.

You can sit down, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes (I like to close mine to give me more inward focus), and observe what is going on inside you. This is also called being in the now or being present. It’s a powerful tool for overcoming anything, because it helps you see what is truly real. We have a tendency to escape into the past or future, to regret or to worry.

Now I’m curious about another thing: do you have any tips for how you have gotten past stuckness? If so, please share in the comments below.

Written on 2/21/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri blogs at, Wake Up Cloud, where he shows you how you can earn money online ethically. You can also get the Passion Blogging Guide, which is free, but really shouldn't be.

Photo Credit: Joe M500

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

It's a Blog today. Someone I have known for a few years and ran into her a couple days ago at a coffee shop. Imagine that! Click on Pic.

Saturday Night Classic Music Video

A Little David for ya:

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

I just discovered this a couple days ago when they started following me on Twitter. Click on pic and check out the Bistro review tab.

Facebooking it?

You are not alone:

The World Is Obsessed With Facebook from Alex Trimpe on Vimeo.

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

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Questions to Ponder

Which is worse?

Reading something and then not using what you read to make a difference?

or

Not reading it at all?

I say the first option is worse, because you have wasted time.....

Here's what I read that got me thinking about those questions, (from Jim's Marketing Blog):

How to study less and achieve more than you ever thought possible

Posted: 27 Feb 2011 01:42 PM PST

I have always found it fascinating, how 2 people can read the same great book or attend the same massively valuable seminar, with completely different results.

• The first person uses the information she discovered, in order to make the changes required for breakthrough success.
• The second person finds the information useful, but decides to do nothing with it.

We can either be passive consumers of ideas or we can actively use what we learn, to build a better future. We can use information in order to achieve our best results ever or become an eternal gatherer of insights and guidance, which we never use.

We live in an age where there has never been greater access to business development information. Much of this is written by accomplished, respected experts – People we know we can trust. It’s there right now, just waiting to be read and acted on.

I often wonder how many struggling small business owners would be millionaires today, if they decided to act on some of the great information they gathered; rather than simply gathering more and more ideas that they never put into action.

Photo: Josep Ma. Rosell

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

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An Honest Conversation(s)

This month Kathy & I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage. It's the second time for each of us and most of our kids are either married or will be in less than 7 months.

Before you say "I Do", there are some conversations you need to have with your mate.

From the DLM blog:

Things to Consider Before Getting Married

Posted: 22 Feb 2011 02:25 PM PST

After 7 years of marriage I can honestly say that I would do it again without changing much. Well, maybe we would have spent our money a little more conservatively but as far as the the decision on marriage - it was a perfect one.

Unfortunately, as I consider our acquaintances and their marriages, it's clear that all marriages are not created equal. Cheating, drug addiction, financial woes, and chronic fighting surrounds us and often times we are stuck in the middle as these people come to us for advice.

Here are a handful of things that have become common themes. My assumption is that you've already talked about religion, having kids, sex, etc. If not, you really need to open up the communication.

So before you say "I Do", make sure you have at least considered these:

• Ability to Compromise
  There are subtle changes that most people can make in their lives in order to make their spouse happy. This is part of the never ending compromise phase that is critical.
  
  When single, I'd watch football games at bars every Saturday and Sunday (and sometimes Thursday). Once married, I toned it down to one day. This is a manageable change that I was willing to make. However, had my wife insisted that I give up all sports entirely, I would have resisted and eventually resented her. That resent would have spread and ultimately influenced my overall attitude towards her.
  
  The same is true for just about everything. The willingness of the other person to compromise today (of the lack thereof) and your reaction to it will prove to be a precedent setting event. If someone is absolutely unwilling to compromise on minor issues, you should expect the same for larger issues. Don't be shocked and appalled by it when it happens three years from now- you knew this going in and you accepted it!
  


• Money
  Yes, we all want it but once we have it who controls it. My wife started direct depositing her paychecks into my account after 3 months of dating. I actually don't recommend that so soon but she was bad with money and she admitted it. For us, it was a matter of getting our credit into shape (we had 640 credit and back then, now its 800+) and we needed a strategy to pay off her college and my personal debt.
  
  Once that debt was paid off and we moved into our house, I turned the finances back over to her after a crash course in on time payments and credit. I never looked back. I enjoyed the strategy part of it but not the day-to-day grind of bill paying. She actually enjoyed it because as a stay at home Mom, it gave her the insight she needed to plan for grocery purchases, clothes for the kids, etc.
  
  So before you get hitched, what is your plan today and 5 years from now? Who is handling what?
  


• Who cleans the toilets?
  Toilets and the remainder of the housework is a constant issue. It all needs to get done and it's not the most fun. Setup a plan for this in the beginning. My suggestion is a weekly rotation - perhaps you'll come up with something different. The point of this is to set the expectation on both sides so that someone doesn't feel like a housekeeper. Chores need to be shared regardless of the work and income situation. Being a woman doesn't mean the wife has to handle at all.
  


• The plan
  In talking to people, it became pretty apparent that their initial goals were in line but after the kids are born and careers take off, there is a fork in the road. I agree that all plans change and there is no way to write a script for your marriage but a lot of the confusion can be removed by having a 1, 3, 6 and 9 year plan. You should have this conversation now and then revisit it all the time. This does not mean you only review goals at these intervals. These are simply due dates.
  
  I am often questioned as to why 1,3,6,9.
  
  • 1 Year Plan: This one is obvious. After the wedding, where will you live, where will you eventually live. Who handles what, what is the combined income, what can we afford etc.
    
  • At 3 years: You are no longer newlyweds and you are perhaps considering kids. Heck, you may already have a kid at this point. You need a plan for that, a plan for who works, who stays home, what type of daycare, etc. This is also around the time that your first condo or "couple's house" loses it appeal. What kind of house do we want? Where? Can we afford that? How are the schools? What is Plan B if someone gets fired? Do we know what utilities cost?
    
  • 6 years: We have all heard of the 7 year itch. Therefore, it stands to reason that you have a plan set with a deadline of 6 years. Where do you want the marriage to be in 6 years? Communication habits, sex life, careers...everything. Talk about it now and periodically consider making adjustments based on the the success of your approach. Plans are meant to be changed.
    
  • 9 years: Again, where do you want to the marriage to be in 9 years? Why? What will life be like? How many kids will we have by then? Are we sending them to public school? What if someone's parent dies? What is one of us becomes seriously ill?
• Holidays
  Just discuss how and where you will celebrate holidays. This is a battle for nearly everyone I know.


• Discipline
  Are we spanking the kids, are we talking and coaching or are we doing both? No matter how happy you are now, if you're against physical discipline and your spouse is not, you will slowly learn to resent and dislike him/her each time a spanking is doled out. Discuss it NOW and avoid a surprise.
  


• Ok, religion
  How important is it and how will we teach the kids?


• Communications, cheating
  I don't care how many conversations you have, no one will ever openly state that they "may cheat". A key here is to be undoubtedly sure that the precedent is set for open communication. If a wife is not happy, the FIRST action on her part should be to talk to the husband (and vice versa). The only way to do this consistently is to talk; not yell, not argue, but talk like civilized people. If you become enraged every time your spouse tries to talk to you, you are pushing away an opportunity to fix a problem. Take time out and actually LISTEN. Marriage is not an argument or a punishment unless you make it one.

There are clearly a lot of other things to consider. Bad choices are going to made regardless of how thorough you plan; that's life. You wouldn't go on a 1,500 mile road trip without putting some thought into it and your marriage should be thought of in the same way. By planning and talking, the aim is to minimize the possible obstacles by first identifying them and getting them out in the open before they reach a critical, war-type, level.

What do you wish you discussed or planned before tying the knot? Feel free to leave an anonymous comment - perhaps it will help others.

-Jay

Written on 10/2/2007 by me, Jay White, the founder of Dumb Little Man and an all around average guy. Republished on 2/22/2011 and now it's 11 years! Yikes, I'm old!

Photo Credit: SimonShaw

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

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Tech Tuesday Tip

Recently my wife wanted me to edit a couple of pictures so it would look like she was hunting buffalo.

For me it was an exercise in frustration because I don't have that type of software installed on any of our computers.

My brother in law ended up creating it, he does graphic imaging for a living.

Photoshop is the industry standard, but unless you are getting paid to use it, I would skip it and go with this suggestion from Kim Komando instead.

A free, easy alternative to pricey Photoshop

You can do amazing things with a good image editor. Take any photo you've shot. Make subtle changes to remove blemishes and improve the lighting. Or add impossible effects that are just plain cool. Almost anything is possible with the right tool. Photoshop is the best- known image editor. It has loads of features. And it can work wonders. But it will also dent your wallet.

Don't reach for that credit card just yet. Try GIMP. It's a free image-editing program. And it has an impressive set of tools. It can handle nearly any editing task.

Like Photoshop, GIMP is complex. It has a steep learning curve. In fact, it may be too much for a beginner. But if you've found other programs lacking, this is what you want.

Cost: Free

Link: www.gimp.org

System: Windows XP, Vista and 7, Mac OS X

Fort Wayne Site of the Day

In previous years, this event occurred in September. They've moved it up 6 months. Click on Pic for details.